So, in an effort to make us collectively forget about their long history of public embarrassments, the Church of Scientology has unleashed a brand-new media and commerical blitz. All of them are winners, but my favorite is "Search."

One idea and four hours later, I do believe the ad has been...improved.



(Yes, I do sound that odd in real life. I am a combination of multiple accents and childhood speech therapy.)

Apparently, I am going to end up commenting on most of the Shinkenger episodes with mashups vids because text cannot communicate the hilariousness.

Today the question was posed in a column: What if Sarah Palin were a lesbian?

Driven by this question (and because I have an odd and twisted sense of humor), I felt it necessary, nay compelling, to consider this in song. As such, I present "If Palin Were A Lesbian," with original credit to Fiddler on the Roof.

( I'd fill my yard with moose and rainbows and cats and trucks / For the town to see and hear. )

(Also seen in the aforementioned column: Hunting moose and watching NASCAR is a lifestyle choice just like being gay!)

So, the not-so-sekrit project is finally revealed! The parody Christmas carol "album" - "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear!"

My inspiration came from being forced to endure "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" in the local Deals when the anachronistic nature of the song struck me. Hopalong boots and pistols, really? Thus, for my own amusement I did a modern update of "Beginning." This sparked an entire mini-project: rewriting/repossessing Christmas carols around various themes. Some are better than others, and one or two are fairly serious. Originally, I planned to do ten carols, but my sudden flu-like illness and delirious fever dreams had other plans. So instead I post the seven songs I did complete sans commentary.

Cover:


( Tracks )

So, it usually takes a miracle for me to finish fanfiction.

Except when I'm talking to grey_bard about a certain (In)Famous Vampire Author OT3. And five hours later I've pumped out AU RPF.

( You have to understand. There is a love out there, waiting for me. Living just for *me*. How could I betray them now? I would be forever sullied. I want to be *dazzled* by love. )

So, the conversation between katarik and I started when I compared reading Grant Morrison to interviewing a Dadaist tripping on acid for four hours.

( Gay earthquakes! )

We closed with Me: "Honey, you don't believe in the female essence, you taste it." Kat: "Did...did you just say that?"

Bonus fun:
arionhunter: Also, Kat and I agreed that if I am the Pocket Tranny, I'm like the Swiss Army Knife of Pocket Queers. I can help you with fashion tips and build a bookcase!
brown_betty: You're the pocket tranny?
brown_betty: Does that come with, like, accessories?
arionhunter: Pocket Tranny Friend's Binder and Packer!
brown_betty: *cracks the hell up*

Note: This post is backdated and only now posted due to the fact Finals ate my free time.

It's Dead Week, which means it's also time for this semester's awful book: Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood.

So, Batman: Modern Day Knight or Secular Hedonist who has been raised without a Father and was Emasculated by the Feminists?

( Let's find out! )

Reading this book reminds me of a former friend's ex: He wanted to get "Chivalry is not dead" tattooed between his shoulder blades. He was, thankfully, eventually dissuaded.

Guess how many Nice Guy criteria he met.

FUN FACT: Don't say in my presence, "I don't think X porn exists yet." Why? Because I'll fix that.

So! The universe now has lolcat slash porn. Voyeurism masturbation lolcat slash porn. It can make adorable babies with the Charge of the Macro Brigade.

Title: He’s Watching You
Author: arionhunter
Fandom: lolcat
Characters/Pairing: Longcat/Ceiling Cat
Rating: NC-17. We gots us some voyeurism and masturbation
Disclaimer: I love fandom porn that doesn’t actually break copyright laws.

( It’s silly to pretend otherwise, like Ceiling Cat isn’t watching him masturbate. )

Title: Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover
Fandom: DC Comics
Rating: G
Characters: Flash, OFC
Disclaimer: DC may own, but it's fun to mess around every one in awhile.
Summary: A chance to hear her side of the story.

( They had an entire art form dedicated to tentacle worship. )

News fun!

Sadly, I can't get a story, but the bills “banning mass homosexual public events anywhere in Israel” and pride parades in Jerusalem have passed a first reading the Knesset: Eli Yishai, head of the Shas party, was quoted by the Israel internet site YNET as saying that it was "inconceivable that small delusional groups, through PR moves, will have a harmful effect on different cities." He said that those who wanted to "desecrate Jerusalem" should be particularly denounced.

Let us consider the language: delusional, desecrate, denounced, different. Add in a few more words and the alliterative possibilities are endless. Why, you could make a poem.

Delusional Denouncers damned
a deserved demonstration.
Did Delusional Denouncers damn
due diversity?
If Delusional Denouncers damned
due diversity,
Where's the desecration
of divine districts Delusional Denouncers damned?

Alternately, the man nominated for Surgeon general can assert that "In fact, the logical complementarity of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fittings either the male fitting or the female fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other."

Clearly, this indicates that the naming of connections master and slave is just a quaint reference to clearly accepted cultural practices.

Or, if you want to have your childhood utterly ruined, listen to the new Transformers movie theme. Ah, nothing like classic TV themes squashed underneath the booted foot of crappy Linkin Park rejects.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Cat
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Macro Brigade!
"Proceed for mah lazer!" he said:
Into the valley of Cat
Rode the six hundred.

2.

"Forward, the Macro Brigade!"
Was there a man OH NOES?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had failed:
Their's not to demand an explanation for this insanity,
Their's not to reason what this shit this is,
Their's but to do and die in their sleep:
Into the valley of Cat
Rode the six hundred.

3.

Tankcat to right of them,
Seriouscat to left of them,
Drillcat in front of them
Came'd and lol'd;
Storm'd at with spam and pron,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Bat Country,
Into the mouth of ur ____
Rode the six hundred.

4.

Flash'd all their DO NOT WANT bare,
Flash'd as they Invisible Bike'd in air,
Pwning the lazers there,
Charging an army, while
All the world saw what you did there:
Plunged in the serius bizness
Right thro' the line they broke;
Trashcat and Longcat
Reel'd from the buttsecks
O rly'd and Ya rly'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

5.

Tankcat to right of them,
Seriouscat to left of them,
Drillcat in front of them
Came'd and lol'd;
Storm'd at with spam and pron,
While Monorailcat and emo kid fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Bat Country
Back from the mouth of ur ____,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

6.

When can their Caturday fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the internets wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Macro Brigade,
Noble six hundred.

Title: Fiddle About
Author: Arion Hunter
Fandom: Superfriends
Pairing: Poison Ivy/Honeysuckle
Rating: PG
Summary: Honeysuckle is thrilled to be Poison Ivy's new sidekick.
Authors Notes: Recently, mightygodking posted Superfriends scans to S_D. Now armed with the knowledge that sidekicks like "a leaf over each nipple" Honeysuckle and Toyboy actually existed in some vague form of canon and never able to resist a chance to ruin childhoods, I then promptly had to write fic. Appropriately using the brain dead tone of the comic.

As mightygodking said, "Hey, some of the superheroes have inappropriately sexualized teenaged sidekicks! That's what WE need!"

( “But where will we find honey in your bedroom, Poison Ivy?” )

Also, I never rec, but this is some awesome Emma Frost.

So I really admire and enjoy Bradbury's work. He's a brilliant man, at least for Fahrenheit 451. However? I find it hard to swallow talking penii. So, because the world can't always be about the penis, a counterpoint.

( The end of the summer was a stressful time, with the changing seasons. It brought out the wildest news. Just today, men who’d been visited by unearthly voices. Their penises speaking, they said. Insanity. )

I am insane.

Because I'm silly like that.

I despise chick-lit. It's just the Wal-Mart romance novel no one actually admits to buying, but with a cover some graphic designer trained in the fine art of vectors and cliche instead of a Fabio reject with pecs that sweat unnaturally.

So here you are. Chick-lit back blurbs, Mad-Libs style!

Imagine your mother ________ (verb) to _______ (verb) a ______ (item) than ________ (descriptor).

When single-again ____________ (job)_________ ______ (name) announces ___________ __________ ________ ________ (divisive statement), ______ (age) divorcee _________ ______ (name) wishes she could trade her ______ (noun) in for a ______ (adverb) ________ (adjective) ________ (noun).

With only _____ (number that is impossibly short) weeks of left, _____ (name) is happy to try __________ (solution to problem) and starts __________ (solution to problem), a ______ (adverb) ________ (adjective) ________ (noun), ________ _________ _______ (divisive issue).

Her _______ (noun) hot on her __________ (adjective) heels, _______ (cute adjective for job) _______ (noun) breaks all the rules and _______ (verb) _____ __ _________(prepositional phrase). Guilty about _______ ________ ____ __________ (verb phrase), there's a ______ (adverb) _______ (adjective) ______ (noun) in store for ______ (noun) . . .

______ (noun) and ________ (noun) had _______ (adverb) ________ (adjective). Now they're about to ______ __________ (prepositional phrase). Forget about _______ (adjective) ______ (noun), welcome to the _______ (adjective) ______ (noun).

Bite me, publishing industry.