Mens' body sprays in America have long been notorious for a) smelling like gym socks, and b) using blatant misogyny to sell their stale gym sock stench to pubescent boys whose nostrils have long since failed to work.

However, I think even stale gym sock fetishists would turn their nose up at this advertising.

We open in the typical run-down warehouse with hot woman holding clipboard while in low-cut dress and go-go boots. I swear, I see those all the time. She's here to test me for my suitability as a "Tag Testee."

If you haven't already laughed at this joke, you should. It will be the last time you will. The charm of this immature double-entendre lasts for all of five seconds.

First up is the Psych test: "Do you have the brains to hang as a testee?"

What it takes to hang, apparently, is the ability to recognize cultural standards of beauty.

Response after selecting lesbianism and breasts, "That's what we look for in a testee."

Check out my awesome Sack Score!

Next up: The "Eyes Up Here!" game. A woman works out at the gym, relating her summer vacation to you. You, presumably having a penis and transplanted monkey brain, will be unable avoid staring at her breasts hypnotically.

"I don't know how you did it, but you actually listened," my tester congratulates me as I finish. "It's easy," I tell her. "I cleaned the spare change out of my pockets."

"Girl, Guy, or Goat." Can you decipher badly Photoshopped images for woman/goat hybrids? Are you enduring the sheer humiliation of possibly labeling yourself as a homo by knowing which is the guy?

My sack's almost full!

And now, the last game: "Simone Says." A far more boring rip-off of the original, you click the egregious sections colors on Simone in time with the pattern.

My tester repeatedly praises me for my good stamina as I progress, Simone writhing orgasmically under my mouse pointer. 'If only all girls were this easy,' some poor male soul laments.

And what are my phat lewtz for becoming a Tag Testee? Buddy icons, wallpapers, a screen saver, and some wonderful iron-on t-shirt designs.